Monday, March 26, 2012

CASTING DIRECTOR COMING TO BRIDGEPARK

Hollywood casting director, Marlene Squirl will be in Bridgepark tomorrow searching for a talented individual to replace Ben Stiller, in the upcoming movie The Burning Bush.  Stiller dropped out at the last minute due to a non burn clause in his contract.  Hollywood insiders are saying this movie, set to be released on Easter may be in jeopardy if a replacement actor can't be found to play the roll of the Burning Bush.
"It's only a one day shoot for this part and the actor chosen will not need to learn any lines." Ms. Squirl told Channel 1 News.  "The scene is the one on the mountain where Moses, played by Sir Anthony Hopkins, finds and speaks to the burning bush.  The actor chosen for the part will be in a bush like suit and be lit on fire as the cameras roll.  The actor will be required to make burning bush like spasmodic movements and noises.  A voice will be dubbed in, as if the bush is speaking to Moses."   Ms. Squirl went on to say, the person cast for this part can expect a lot of heat, but will also get to shine.
Anyone interested in trying out for this part, is to bring a one page resume' and a sack lunch to the Bridgepark Hotel, Suite 22, between the hours of 11 A.M. and 7 P.M.

Moses and the Burning Bush

Thursday, March 22, 2012

HALF MARATHON WIN NULLIFIED, RUNNER STUNNED

By Dave Taylor  March 22, 2012


Half Marathon runner Patsy Sass takes a wrong turn.
The winner of the St. Patrick's Day Half Marathon lost her winner's title this morning, when judges discovered she ran the wrong half of the Marathon.  Patsy Sass, 34 of Bridgepark, entered the annual Bridgepark St. Patrick's Day Half Marathon on a dare from friends.  After winning the Bun Run last Summer, she was a favorite to win the half marathon.
Ricky Dickfitter declare winner!
Half Marathon judge, Pat Droolen made the announcement after watching a video replay of the event.  "She clearly ran the wrong half", Droolen said with a sullen face.  "She started off in the right direction, but took a wrong turn at Bender's Fork."  When contacted by Channel1 News, Sass admitted to running the wrong half of the half marathon.  "I should have known which half to run," she said. "I had a 50-50 chance of getting it right and blew it!"  Second place finisher Ricky Dickfitter, 78 of  Humtown, was declared winner and will receive  the first place trophy and $30. "I feel bad for the young lady, but when you run a half marathon, you have to run the right half."  Channel 1 News reports on all sporting events in the Bridgepark area.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

FROM THE CHANNEL 1 NEWS VAULT

This news video is from the Channel 1 News vault with a younger Dave Taylor reporting a breaking story concerning stolen chickens.  The story contains information sent in by field reporter T. Kenan.  Please note that Bridgepark was called Bridgeport at the time this story broke.



AFTER ST. PAT'S DAY PARADE KEEPS THINGS GOING

Channel 1 New's Dave Taylor on duty at the parade.
 March 18, 2012

 Once again Bridge Park's Irish keep the celebration going with an after St. Patrick's Day parade. "It separates the true Irish celebrators  from the wannabes and it helps clear out the bars from last night." quipped Johnny McGuzzler, a long time Bridge Park resident and parade organizer.  Dave Taylor was on hand after judging the all night beer drinking contest at O'hurls Irish Pub & Fish Stick Emporium on Barf Ave.  "Nothing is better than an after Saint Patrick's Day parade," said Taylor, "especially after a night of beer drinking and eating fish sticks!"
The parade started just after 10 A.M. this morning, thirty minutes after the bars closed.  Many patrons moved out to the curbs and gutters along the parade route and sang Irish songs while nursing mugs of brew.  Police said the crowd was mostly well behaved, with only one incident that required a "paddy" wagon.  Danny Murphy 34, of Bridge Park, dropped his trousers when someone started singing "Danny Boy".  When he tried to harmonize and was out of key, he was quickly covered and escorted to jail.
Channel 1 News will continue to monitor the parade and hopes to hear from Dave Taylor before week's end.  Last year he disappeared after the parade and was not heard from due to a calendar mix up.
Most Bridge Parkers are already looking forward to next year's After St. Patrick's Day Parade.  Channel 1 News will be there.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

HARRY PITTS JOINS CHANNEL 1 SPORTS



Harry Pitts "I'm a good sport!"
Channel 1 News announces the promotion of Harry Pitts to the Channel 1 Sports Desk.  Pitts has been a night watchman at the station since 2007.  Before that he taught bingo strategy at the Soft Wood Rest Home.  Harry is single and loves hanging out at the sports bars in and around Brigdepark.  Harry will be watching the sports wire and keep you up to date on all things sports.  Welcome Harry!

TWINS MIX UP AT BIRTH CAUSES DOUBLE TROUBLE

Twins Tom and Tim Wicks learn the truth about themselves.
March 14, 2012


Identical twin brothers Tom and Tim Wicks, 29, of Bridge Park, received news last week that due to a hospital mix up, they were switched at birth.  Both men were devastated and thrown into turmoil as they explained to family and friends the truth about themselves.
Tom told Channel 1 News, "I took Tim home with me and explained to my wife that I wasn't really her husband, that Tim was.  We then went to Tim's home and did the same with his wife.  Both women appeared upbeat and promised to work at the new arrangement."  The brothers spent the rest of the day packing and moving to the others house.
Their parents, Bonnie and Bob Wicks are still in shock.  Mr. Wicks told Channel 1 News, "I hope my sons can forgive me.  Knowing what I know now, I often disciplined the wrong brother."
The ones who may have the most difficult adjustment are the couple's children.  Councilors are being brought in to help them.

Channel 1 News contacted the hospital about the mix up and were told they had a wrong number numerous times.  Channel 1 News will keep a close tab on what happens next.
Dave Taylor reporting.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

MAN WINS PIZZA FOR LIFE IN MYSTERY MEAT CONTEST

Ilbe Daamd, right, with Moto waitress,Kinky Bliss
By Dave Taylor
 
A visiting Texas man, Ilbe Daamd, 19, of Walker, Texas took the Mystery Pizza challenge at Mr. Moto's Pizza Kindgom and Car Wash and won top prize, Tuesday night. Mr. Moto challenged diners to guess the mystery meat on his signature specialty pizza.  Daamd, managed to guess the mystery meat in three bites. Although rules state he can't devulge the ingredient to the public, he was heard to shout, "It tastes just like chicken!" He couldn't finish his pizza, and was given a carry out box. Mr. Moto was on hand to give Daame a certificate for a pizza a week for life. Daamd's, whose favorite pizza is "just cheese" could only grin.  Channel 1 News will hold it's Christmas party at Mr. Moto's next year and update our readers at that time.

IT'S ALL ABOUT FAMILY AND GETTING TOGETHER

The Taylor Clan
By Dave Taylor

There's something to be said about family reunions. I attended the Taylor "get together" last month and rubbed elbows with long lost family members. Uncle Earl and Aunt Tillie were there doing magic tricks, Cousin Talbert was swallowing whole salmon and my cousin Burl, was doing card tricks in the bathroom. It was good to be around normal folks again. I can't wait until next year.

Monday, March 12, 2012

LOCAL MAN TO TRY NEW DIET SODA DIET

by Dave Taylor, Channel 1 News
Rollo Fogle as he gets ready to count calories on his pc while on a diet soda diet.
Jared's (of Subway fame) brother, Rollo is now staking his claim to fame by attemting to join Jared in losing weight. For the next six weeks he'll be living on diet soda. Raised on a potato farm out side of Bridgepark, Rollo grew up eating potatos by the bushel and even contemplated changing his name to Spud. But after seeing his brother Jared literly melt away while eating nothing but sub sandwiches, he knew he had to do something on his own to shed some of his 400 pounds. "Jared is getting all the chicks!" he was quoted as saying. It was after devouring a tub of french fries he came upon the idea of a diet soda binge. "Hey, it says diet right on the lable." he said holding up a Diet Coke, "Why didn't I see this before?"
Rollo has the support of his brother Jared who promised to include Rollo on a double date once Rollo can fit into his car.
Channel 1 News will keep you updated.

BRIDGEPARK DEBATING HOSTING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

by Dave Taylor on Monday March 12, 2012


Officals in Bridgepark took a big step towards this years election process by appointing a committee to study the feasabilty of debating the hosting of a Presidentual debate. Illeen Farr, Bridgepark 5th Ward Councilmember, was chosen to head the committee and find a suitable venue to host a debate. Farr told Channel 1 News the first step in the process would be to hold a fund raiser, so that money could be raised to support a task force, to study suitable locations for a prime time debate between presidentual cantidates.
"We live in a vibrant city in a vibrant time!" she declared at a news conference last night. "By hosting a Presidentual debate here in Bridgepark, we can show the world how vibrant we really are! Tonight is one small step for Bridgepark and one giant leap for politics. This will put us on the map!" she concluded, to jubilant applause from her family.  To help raise funds she proposed a bake sale and a car wash.
So now it begins and Channel 1 News will be here right up to election day.
Councilmember Illeen Farr gets a hug from her husband Ben and his brother Bobby, after last nights news conference.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

BRIDGEPARK COUNCIL MEMBERS DEBATE DAYLIGHT TIME

Bridgepark city council members met late last night at the Hot Trot Lounge on Fisher Street to discuss exempting the city from going on Daylight Savings Time.  Counsel member Justa Tease called the meeting after receiving over 100 letters from constituents in her ward, complaining of the time change.
Justa Tease, front, called a special meeting.

Council members were eager to get together at Hot Trot's to decide this issue for once and all.  "We go through this every year," Tease said. "We meet in a bar and get to talking and downing a few and before you know it, it's last call.  Nothing gets done and I feel like (expletive) the next day."
As of this writing, it appears nothing was resolved again at last night's meeting.  If you haven't done so, move your clocks ahead one hour.
Dave Taylor, Channel 1 News



Saturday, March 10, 2012

HEADLINES YOU DIDN'T SEE


Sundays are slow here at Channel 1 News and I like to go in and comb the archives looking for headlines that didn't make the cut and were never used. Here are a few I found, "MAN CRASHES PAPER AIRPLANE MADE OF FLY PAPER, SUES COMPANY!", GIRL FINDS RING IN OLD SCHOOL BELL!" and my favorite, "BRIDGEPORT MAN DRINKS PECAN WINE AND GOES NUTS!" I love my profession because you never know what tomorrow's headlines will be.......
Dave Taylor, Channel 1 News.

POPCORN EATING RECORD STILL UNTOUCHED

College senior Jared Pimplecorn, 20 of Bridgepark, rides in an ambulance to the hospital after a failed attempt to get into the Guinness Brothers book of World Records by eating popcorn. He ate 50 lbs. of unpopped corn and then made the mistake of going out into the hot sun. The popcorn exploded leaving him totally popped!  EMTs said Pimplecorn was resting easy and fighting off a craving for butter.  Doctors say Pimplecorn should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow. 


Friday, March 9, 2012

LIFE IS GOOD FOR BRIDGE PARK WOMAN

 
It's after hours and I find myself alone in the Channel 1 News office. The office is closed, but as you and I know, the news never stops. One particular story coming over the news wire at this hour caught my attention.
"Woman Finds Her Lost Virginity" Flo Dhown, 40 of Bridge Park, Minnesota found her long lost virginity on Ebay. While visiting the site on Friday night she discovered the listing and after further investigation learned it was posted by a former high school sweetheart. "I just couldn't believe it!" Dhown exclaimed. "I could bid .99 cents and take a chance of winning the highest bid or use the "buy it now" tab for $10. All I could think about was surprising my husband with it, for his birthday!"
An exited Flo Dhown bids on her lost virginity.

"Winning this could be a real game changer!" she told the Donkeytown Reader News. "I don't remember what night I lost my virginity, but I know it was during football season in my senior year of high school. I was voted the team's most popular cheer leader!"
Dhown is currently a parking meter reader in Donkeytown and plans a surprise party for her husband of three weeks, if she wins the auction.
With heartwarming stories like this on the newswire, I for one, am glad to be in this profession. Dave Taylor, Channel 1 News.



     


MAN SELLS SLAPS TO HIS FACE TO RAISE CASH FOR GAS

by Dave Taylor on Saturday, March 3, 2012 at 10:47am ·



Willy Snapp, 33 of nearby Puter Village says when gasoline reached $4 a gallon it was like a slap in the face to folks like him. He decided the best way to show his displeasure was to let people slap or punch him in the face, thereby bringing it to the attention of the world.
Willy Snapp takes one in the chops for his pocketbook.
Snapp's girlfriend, Betty Will, liked the idea and suggested he charge peopl so much per slap. Starting Wednesday night, Snapp took a bar stool at Duffy's Pub on Gussel St. and let patrons have at him for $5 a slap or three for $10. Ms. Will took the first punch causing Snapp's lip to split and swell. He managed a grin and she let him have it again, inciting the small crowd to line up with cash in hand.
Snapp would not disclose the amount of money he has raised, but said the IRS is now hounding him. He also reported having a full tank of gasoline in his Buick. "It's worth it," he said, "Even if my eyes are swelled shut."
Channel 1 News will continue to follow this story.






MURDER VICTIM WAS ALIVE JUST HOURS BEFORE DEATH

by Dave Taylor on Monday, March 5, 2012 at 12:03pm ·



Bridgebang police Detective Hyden Siek addressing the news media this morning, promised swift resolve to the mysterious death of Darya Tulook, 27 in Bridge Park’s Rowdy Park Area. Ms. Tulook was last seen alive only hours before her dead body was found in a car registered to her dentist.
“Sometime happened between the time she was last seen alive and her body was found lifeless, in the vehicle” Siek told reporters, “and we’re going to find out what it was.” Ms. Tulook moved to Bridge Park last Summer after losing her bid to win on reality TV's "Stayin' Alive", where contestants put themselves in harms way for a movie contract.
Detective Hyden Siek "I'm a good detective. I've got ribbons and medals to prove it!

"We know the victim was alive earlier in the day and we're going on the assumption that something caused her life to end." Detective Siek explained. When asked by Channel 1 Newsman Dave Taylor if the detective suspected foul play, Siek replied, "At this time, nothing is being ruled out, except maybe accute indigestion. We just want the residents of the Rowdy Park area to stay locked in their homes and not venture out. Other than that, there is nothing to fear."
This is the first mysterious death in Bridge Park this year. Channel 1 News will continue to monitor this story.

BRIDGEBANG CHANGES NAME TO BRIDGEPARK


For the second time in a year, city council members have voted to change the city name, from Bridgebang to Bridgepark. It was learned late last week that Bridgebang was offensive to some residents. After a heated debate in the council chambers last night, the name was changed on a 4 to 2 vote.
Before this name change, Bridgebang was originally called Bridgeport. Channel 1 News will follow this story and update you when the true reason for the name change is learned.