Friday, December 28, 2012

MAN REJECTED BY SWEETHEART IN CAREFULLY WORDED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL


A man who memorized the complete dictionary was still unable to come up with the right words to impress and win the hand of his sweetheart.  Wiley Wordsworth 45, of Bridgeport spent two years memorizing Webster's unabridged dictionary and was able to define and spell words at the drop of a hat, found himself unable to convince his true love to marry him.  Wordsworth spent ten hours each day memorizing words, their meaning, and correct spelling while his girlfriend, Beatrice Goode tended bar and danced at a men's club.
Wiley Wordsworth is a man with
 a new plan.
Wordsworth is being treated for depression at a local hospital after his marriage proposal was turned down by Goode.  "I chose my words so carefully," he told Channel 1 News, "yet she had a lackadaisical look on her face."  After telling Wordsworth no, Goode ran off with the piano player from the club where she worked prompting Wordsworth to tell Dave Taylor of Channel 1 News,  "I should have studied music."
Beatrice Goode
Wordsworth now spends his days working crossword puzzles and taking kazoo lessons.  "I've got a song in my heart and a plan."  As for his former sweetheart, Ms. Goode has moved on with her life and is enjoying a career as an escort.  Channel 1 News hopes to interview Ms. Goode for a future story.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

CITY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS TO BE ON BY CHRISTMAS

City attorney Buck Passer as he studied
the lighting contract for this year's
Christmas lights. "It's all Chinese to me!"
Good news for Christmas light lovers!  Bridgeport has settled a legal dispute with the Hong Kong Lights & More company of Hong Kong, China just in time for the Christmas season.  The colorful lights strung up all over the city since Thanksgiving have been left dark due to a clause in the contract with the company.  The contract clause in question was printed in Chinese and unreadable by city attorney Buck Passer, who flew to China to meet with Hong Kong company officials for clarification. 
This years Christmas light display contract was awarded to Hong Kong Lights and More after the city council decided that more was better.  The other bidder was Kansas City Lights who came in with the lowest bid but council members felt they would get less because their name did not include the word more.  It was only after the contract was signed with Hong Kong Lights & More that city attorney Buck Passer discovered the tiny clause in the contract that had not been translated into English.  Fearing getting sued, Bridgport officials kept the lights off until a translation could be made.  This has dragged on much to the dismay of Bridgeport citizens.  On Sunday night Passer flew to China and was able to get the clause translated.  When translated, it turned out to only be a phrase which read, "Colored lights made in Hong Kong". 
Mayor Ben Dover promised to have the lights throughout the city turned on by this weekend and in the interim invited the Christmas light starved public to drive by his home on Lax Street.  His lights have been on since the week before Thanksgiving.
Mayor Ben Dover's home, lit up for
all to see.
Channel 1 News will hopefully have a photographer on hand when the city lights are lighted this weekend.

Monday, December 17, 2012

MAYOR DECLARES END OF WORLD PARTY

Mayor Ben Dover gives an
 okay sign to Dave Taylor.
With the end of the world scheduled to come this Friday,  Bridge Port Mayor Ben Dover, showing signs of distress called off his scheduled business trip to Cancun, Mexico.  In a Skype call to Channel 1 News, he appeared shaky at times and amazingly calm at others.  He appeared to take a deep breath before admitting that his doctor had given him something to help him remain numb.  "I'm quite comfortable,"  he told Dave Taylor in their face to face Skype interview.  "I have studied the Mayan calendar and even though it predicts the end, I doubt they could have calculated such an event without the aid of Google or other Internet help."  When asked if he was totally sure, his eyes widened and he bit his lip, "No", he answered before looking off camera towards his physician, Dr. Ooh.
"You don't look very comfortable Mr. Mayor",  Dave Taylor said, " Are you alright?"  Mayor Dover managed a smile and gave Taylor an okay sign with his hand.  "Believe me, I'm comfortably numb.  I also know there is much concern and distress about this prediction of the end of the world and as Mayor I am going to do all that I can to alleviate the fear that many are feeling."  He went on to declare Thursday December 20, 2012 as Thirsty Thursday.  "It will be a day of parties followed by a night of parties I want it to be like 1999 all over again!" he exclaimed with a far away look in his eyes.  In a further attempt to calm the fears held by many, he held up a plane ticket, "Look, this is how sure I am that the world will not end this Friday, I have rescheduled my business trip to Cancun for Monday!"  He ended his interview saying he had another doctors appointment to get to. 
Mayor Ben Dover's personal
physician, Dr. Suzi Ooh holding
his "numbers" as he calls them.
Channel 1 News will be here right up to the end, whenever that is.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

SNOWMAN CONTEST CALLED OFF... AGAIN!


Bridge Port Meteorologist Hyian Drye
and his secretary Desire, hamming
it up at last year's city Christmas party.
Much to the dismay of hundreds of Bridge Port children and adults, the city snowman making contest has been scrubbed for the second time this month due to lack of snow and cold.  Bridge Port meteorologist Hyian Drye told Channel 1 News, usually Bridge Port is under a foot of snow this time of the year with snowmen visible in yards all over town.  "Right now I'm the most hated man in town." he told  Dave Taylor as they toured the city in an unmarked car.  "My house was egged just last night and for safety, I've sent my wife out of town while I stay on the job here with my secretary and staff."


This picture captures the failed attempt at making a
snowman in last week's scheduled contest.
Bridge Port has been holding a snowman contest each December dating back to the early 1930s.  There was even a referendum in 1956 to change the name of our city to "Frosty", in honor of Frosty the Snowman.  It failed when opposition pointed out that there was also a root beer brand called Frosty.  This year the contest had brought in contestants from all over the state in hopes of taking home the $100 prize and getting a free pass to the ice skating rink.  Mayor Ben Dover comforted the crowd telling them that the contest would still take place as soon as significant snow fell.  Channel 1 News will keep in contact with weatherman Hyian Drye and keep you posted.