Saturday, April 20, 2013

HEADLINE TYPO CAUSES PANIC IN BRIDGEPORT


Mass traffic jam as a result of a Typo
The headline in the Bridgeport Gazette was to read, "Large Fog Bank Will Cover and Devour Bridgeport". Instead the headline read, "Large Frog Will Cover and Devour Bridgeport". 
A large number of local citizens suffer from Batrachophobia, which is the fear of amphibians such as frogs and upon reading this headline, began an exodus out of town.  As shown in the accompanying photo, this exodus resulted in a horrific traffic jam on the Bridgeport Freeway.  Once the correction was announced on local radio station KBOM, drivers began turning around, causing an even worse jam.  It took a little over five hours to return to normal on the freeway.
The Gazette editor, Ben Smokan, apologized and offered a free newspaper to all who requests one.  "The silver lining in all of this," quipped Smokan, "Is it shows people are reading our newspaper."
Channel 1 News will follow this story and report any new developments.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

AIRPLANE MADE OF FLY PAPER CRASHES AT BRIDGEPORT AIRPORT

Emergency responders locate the pilot in his crashed plane and
find he is stuck in place due to the plane's construction material
which is mostly fly paper.
Just after 7 A.M. this morning emergency responders at Bridgeport National Airport responded to a crash landing of an aircraft at the airport. 
A small fire could be seen near runway 101 where the plane came down, bouncing and landing on it's top some 20 feet off the runway. 
Airport tower officials reported getting a Mayday from the plane's pilot at 6:45 A.M.  Following is a transcript of the initial communication;  (Aircraft) "Mayday, Mayday.  This is experimental aircraft Oh..... Oh, requesting emergency landing instructions. Over."  (Tower)  "Roger that, Oh Oh.  We show you up there and coming down here. Can you tell us the nature of your emergency? Over."  (Aircraft)  " Roger tower, I'm flying a plane made of fly paper, but it is not......... ".
The radio transmission from the aircraft was cut off as it hit the ground at an angle, prompting the tower to sound the alarm for emergency responders.
Emergency Response Captain, Peter Dragon told Channel 1 News, mass hysteria filled the ready room when the alarm sounded, as paid volunteers scrambled to dress and get into their emergency vehicle. Most responders initially thought it was a false alarm and stayed in their bunks.
When the emergency truck finally arrived at the scene at 7:24 A.M., the fire had put itself out and workers immediately tried to extradite the pilot who was stuck to his seat.  "I'd never seen anything like it" quipped Dragon. "The whole plane was a sticky mess due to the fire, making it close to impossible to handle without your gloves sticking to the plane and coming off." 
The pilot had to be cut out of his clothes before being taken to Bridgeport General Hospital where he has the shivers but is recovering.  The plane was loaded on a flat bed truck and taken to the airport maintenance hanger where inspectors from Washington will go over the wreckage for possible clues to the crash.
"The plane's wings looked to be covered with insects, which may have affected the aerodynamics of the wings", airplane expert Lo Wing told Channel 1 News, "Just because it's called fly paper, doesn't mean it will fly."
Channel 1 News will keep you updated on this story.



Monday, April 15, 2013

CONVENTION CENTER OFFICIALS HALT AIR BAND CONCERT IN PROGESS, SPARKING OUTRAGE

Skid Mark (r) and his Air Band performing  live last night
at the Convention Center.
Young Bridgeport concert goers became ugly and near riotous  last night when city officials halted a concert featuring Skid Mark & his All Air Band. Convention Center security reported the crowd became "unglued" when the band took the stage in their signature attire of dirty underwear, prompting officials to take action.

As the band opened with their one hit wonder, "Skids", security rushed the stage and stopped the concert. Band members Skid Mark,  Buster Cherry, Checker Drawers, and Sweady Balls were escorted off  stage by security forces and led to a bathroom in the Convention Center basement.
Riot Police were called in and many
arrests were made before order was restored.
The 500 plus in attendance showed their outrage by tossing dirty underwear into the air and at security officers.  Bridgeport Convention Center Manager, Margy Null took to the stage immediately to calm the crowd and was quickly covered in boxers and briefs before she was booed off stage. The crowd then emptied out into the street singing Skid Mark songs  and mooning traffic.    Mayor Ben Dover, who is vacationing in Jamaica, was called and he quickly dispatched the riot police.

This was the bands first concert in Bridgeport and sold out in less than three hours according to the band's manager Dusty Rhoads. The band was held in the restroom until Rhoads threatened to sue the city for false imprisonment.  Skid Mark and his air band have been playing together for over six years and according to the bands bio, didn't start getting a following until they started playing their air guitars in their undies.  "The kids love us!" Mark told Channel 1 News, "It's the parents that don't get it.  They had their rebellion with long hair and short skirts.  All we want is to just play in our dirty skid marked underwear."  A fan who was arrested and released on bond, tried to explain it.  "It's not about the music man, it's all about the skid marks.  They're art in the purest form!"  Skid Mark and his All Air Band hope to be on tour this summer providing they can cut a deal with Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. 
Channel 1 News will follow this story and be the first to update you on any pending concert dates.


Friday, April 12, 2013

CHANNEL 1 NEWS GETS NEW LOOK

After a ten minute meeting it was decided to give Channel 1 News a new look.  The entire news department was called in and after a simple double blind hand vote, the basic backround cover for the print side of the business was changed to the Blue Spotlight image. (It was later divulged that when the new template was displayed for curious members to decide on, the old cover was accidentally deleted and the thus the new cover was then voted in.)
Everyone at Channel 1 News hopes our viewers like the new look.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

WOMAN CROWNED BRIDGEPORT BEER BELLY CHAMP 2013

Hazel Nutt sports her winning beer belly at
Bridgeport's Annual Gut Fest.  She won first
 prize,a keg of beer a week for six months and
gets to wear the silver crown for a year. 
Whoever said beer bellies aren't beautiful hasn't been to Bridgeport's Annual Gut Fest.  This years winner, Hazel Nutt drank her way to fame beating out a field of 20 other guzzlers from throughout Bridgeport and the surrounding communities.  Nutt, who turned 30 last month was sponsored by Bart's Drinking Heaven, a beer bar on the South side.  Bart's owner, Sam Drools told Channel 1 News he discovered Ms. Nutt at a keg party last summer and drafted her (no pun intended)  to represent his bar in the contest.  She has been training all winter long and sports a six inch gut overhang.  "I never thought I'd like having a beer belly," she told Channel 1 News. "But it's sure fun when people come up and want to feel it!"
Gut Fest is held each year in Bridgeport to promote the coming beer drinking season.  Nutt hopes to compete in the regional beer belly contest this August at the state fair.  Channel 1 News will be there if she does.



Monday, April 8, 2013

EXPERT ON EXPERTS TO VISIT BRIDGEPORT

 Oa Ikin Feelit, 49, does not claim to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but is an  expert when it comes to knife throwing.  He doesn't claim to a ladies man, but he is an expert on "pick up" lines and advises younger men on how to pick up ladies in bars, hospitals, or churches.  Feelit also says he is not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but is an expert on decorating them.  

 
Oa Ikin Feelit graduated in the bottom
third of his class. He claims you don't
have to be smart to be an expert.

.
World reknown expert, Oa Ikin Feelit, will be making a stop in Bridgeport this weekend to promote his new book, "The Expert Expert".   This will be Feelit's first visit to Bridgeport even though he used his expertise of the city to publish a map showing the location of all the pubs in town.  "You don't have to be smart, to be an expert," he told Channel 1 News.  "It helps to know a little bit, but if you can smile and wink,  folks will believe you."  "Once I became an expert," he added. " I decided to use my wisdom and expertise to make a lot of money for myself." 

Feelit sat down with Channel 1 News this morning via Skype and explained how he became an expert.  "I was known as the class clown in school and learned how to take  BS and make it PS or purely simple. Before long I could talk about any subject to anybody and became an expert.   I can now teach anyone how to become an expert if they have two things, time and money.  I explain this in detail in my book."   Channel 1 News also learned that Feelit and Channel 1 News's Dave Taylor were room mates at Scout Camp during the early years.

Feelit's book sells for $19. English language copies are $10 extra.


Sunday, April 7, 2013

HISTORICAL TIME CAPSULE FOUND IN CITY HALL BASEMENT


The time capsule found in the
basement at city hall.
Officials at the Bridgeport city hall were alerted last Monday afternoon to a discovery made by a city worker. Ouh So KaLeen, 41, a city hall janitor was looking for a potential break area in the basement when he stumbled across the sealed capsule which was dated 1913. 
"It was under a pile of debris in a room seldom cleaned, " Mr. KaLeen told Channel1 News.  Printing on it read, 'open in 2013'.  After his break, he immediately notified  his supervisor who then took it up to the Mayor's office.
Mayor Ben Dover thinking it was an April Fools joke refused to open it until last night.  Upon returning home from a late night fund raiser at Hooligan's Drinking Emporium downtown, his curiosity got the better of him and he broke open the seal on the 100 year old time capsule. (*)

Inside the mayor found a few small items which he said were not what you would expect to find in a time capsule, but would not elaborate.  There was however a scrolled document printed on parchment paper and tied with a red ribbon.   Mayor Dover untied the ribbon and unrolled the paper which bore the official state symbol.  Following are exerts of what was written on the paper.
"The city now known as Bridgeport was settled in 1867 as an encampment for the shipyard prostitutes.  Although prostitution was legal at that time, the ladies of the night were not welcome in the new frontier towns  The encampment was formed and was named  Devilsville until 1875 when the name was changed to Devilspoint after bar room patrons agreed, all road signs "pointed" to Devilsville.  As times changed and the new century began, Devilspoint became a vibrant and fledgling  city.  The name was changed to Devilsport in reference to the many ships docking at the city's piers.  In 1950 it was brought to the attention of the city that Devilsport was being mistaken by some outsiders as Devil Sport.  A contest was quickly held for choosing a new name and the winner was a tie between Bridgeport and Bridgepark, with Bridgeport becoming the more popular name."

Mayor Dover hopes to make the full content of the scroll public in the coming weeks.  As for the small items found in the capsule, he has been in contact with EBay about their worth.  He promised any monetary gain from the sale of the items would go into the city coffers.

(*) Channel 1 News was told by fellow fund raisers, this was not the correct version of what really happened in the wee hours last night.  A conflicting report says the Mayor had no intent of opening the capsule and thought he was opening a can of beer.

Channel 1 News will continue to seek the truth and report it as it happens.

Friday, April 5, 2013

CHANNEL 1 NEWS'S DAVE TAYLOR REPORTS 10,000TH STORY

Dave Taylor wrote a message
out on the shirt of the janitor.
Channel 1 News anchor Dave Taylor passed a milestone today when he reported reaching his ten thousands news story. His ten thousands news story was the fact that it was his ten thousands story. He was all smiles as he made the report on his low band private radio program.  "I can't believe it!" he exclaimed out loud after the broadcast, to anyone listening.  He found he was alone in the studio at the time and repeated it to the janitor when the janitor came in to clean the studio.  Upon learning the janitor was deaf, Taylor wrote it out for him on his work shirt.


Taylor later recalled the first story he reported, way back in June of  1978.  It was about a woman who tried to commit suicide by holding her breath.  After the third failed attempt she realized she didn't want to end her life but later died after being scared to death at a Halloween party.  "That story got me wondering what other news was out there, news that wasn't being reported." Taylor said.  "I bought me a microphone and never looked back."  He was hired by Channel 1 News and the rest is history. 
Channel 1 News is working on breaking news story number 10,001.  Stand by and keep watching.
Dave Taylor is all smiles after reporting
his 10,000th news story on Friday.



Wednesday, April 3, 2013

COUPLE FIND WOMAN'S HEAD IN PARK, POLICE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY (Warning: Graphic picture within)

Bridgeport Police were called to a horrific scene last evening in Petters Park.  A couple walking their dog came upon what they thought was a watermelon on the path. When their dog growled at it, they had a closer look and realized it was a decapitated human head.  The couple was visibly shaken as police officers questioned them about the breed of their dog and of their knowledge of watermelon. Police inspector, Deel MeInn determined the head was that of a Caucasian woman in her late 20s.

Bridgeport police intern holds up the
decapitated head of  "Jane Doe".
Inspector MeInn quickly ruled out suicide as no weapons were found near or around the head.
Channel 1 News normally does not publish grizzly pictures, but has done so at the request of Bridgeport Police to help identify the remains.  So far one man has come forward to try to identify the victim.  Chiva Matimber, 30, of Bridgeport reported his girlfriend Erma missing yesterday, but quickly ruled out the head found in the park.  When an officer held up the head for Matimber, Matimber shrugged his shoulders and said, "No, that can't be my Erma.  She wasn't that tall."

Bridgeport's best, Inspector Deel
 MeInn, is on the case.
Inspector MeInn  surmised that "Jane Doe" may have suffered from splitting headaches and that she may have had a split personality.  "You can tell allot by looking into someones eyes",  he told Channel 1 News.  "She may have not been happy with her hairdo either."

Channel 1 News will follow the Inspector and report any new developments in this bizarre case.


Monday, April 1, 2013

SQUIRRELS BENEATH GARAGE FLOOR GO NUTS

Bridgeport police were called to a residential address in the Littleton area after the home owner reported hearing noise coming from beneath the concrete garage floor.  Ellie Funt, 36, who lives at the address in question told Channel 1 News she was awakened early this morning by a cracking noise coming from the garage.  Funt made her way to the garage
Bridgeport firemen investigate the hole
in the garage floor.
and determined the sound was coming from beneath the concrete floor.  Knowing there was no basement beneath the garage, she thought maybe someone some how was playing an April fools' joke on her.  That though was short lived however for in the next instant the floor gave way and the car in the garage fell into a four foot hole.  Funt screamed and five squirrels scampered out of the hole leaving a trail of cracked nuts behind them. 
By the time police arrived the squirrels had left the area.  Firemen were called to assist with the investigation and reported finding nut shells strewn everywhere about the garage floor.  Fire Chief, Pat McGroin told Channel 1 News it was the worse case of squirrel infestation he'd seen and he hoped he would be able to crack the case. He vowed to catch the critters responsible.
Getting the car out of the hole will be another story and Channel 1 News will be there.