Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Local restaurant critic Peter Kinkless
said he had no idea what had been added
to the pizza he was about to eat and he
didn't care.
Hundreds of world renowned food scientists will meet with everyday food junkies in Bridgeport this weekend for a symposium on food additives.  Hotels in town are reporting a spike in reservations for the coming event, with some visitors coming from as far away as Qu Dung, China.  "Bridgeport, long known for it's restaurants, grocery stores, and food lovers, is the perfect setting for a symposium of this nature." quipped local food and restaurant critic, Peter Kinkless. "No one really knows just what's in their food and most don't really care!"

Substance Abuse researcher Sumo Peire wrote in the McDonald's Journal of Everyday Living, "Anyone reading food labels today will find the food they are about to eat, chuck full of both "natural" and "un-natural" additives.  Finally people are asking just what are the unnatural additives?"
Chester B. Goode of the Institute For Inquisitive Eaters set out to answer this question and had decoded some of additives now being used in the most popular foods and went into a state of shock.  He was found last evening after nearly drowning in his own drool.  His colleagues are hoping he will be recovered enough to attend the event this weekend.

City Mayor Ben Dover, himself a former pizza delivery driver, stressed the importance of the coming symposium not only for the benefit to eaters everywhere, but to the increased revenue for the local economy.  He has signed a special order allowing the bars to remain open all night during the symposium.  "Good drink must accompany good food!" he declared upon signing the order.

Channel 1 News will cover the upcoming event.

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