Saturday, July 13, 2013


Conjoined twin brothers, claim they were surgically separated at birth and are suing their aging parents  $50,000 for having them separated at birth. If their attempt to be re-conjoined fails, they will double that amount.
One and Two Thing, 35, filed suit today at the Bridgeport County Law Center causing a stack of paperwork resulting in overtime for office workers.
The Thing brothers in 1984, starting
school. To help identify them, they
wore shirts with their names on them.
The parents, Bob and Edna Thing maintain their sons were never really conjoined in the first place and that the lawsuit should be thrown out.  Mrs. Thing told Channel 1 News, the twins were merely holding hands when they were born.  Documentation of the live birth was misplaced during an employee walk out in 1979 or lost in the 1980 hospital fire.
The Thing brothers hope to be re-conjoined by one finger. They share a farm outside of Bridgeport with a woman they have both courted over the years, Lenna Ova, 31.  Ova, because of her timidness, was at first reluctant  talking with Channel 1 News about the lawsuit, but was persuaded to change her mind when told it may help Things along.

Lena Ova, "There is a
special Thing inside me."
"I have grown to love both One and Two, they are my favorite Things" she said as her cheeks became a pinkish hue. "I only pray they can become one again, so we can be married.  As you can see, I'm carrying a Thing of my own and hope to one day marry the Thing's father."

With this confession, now public, attorneys for the older Things say it is only a matter of time before the case is thrown out.  "These Thing brothers only want to be conjoined so they can both legally marry their girlfriend.  There is no concrete proof they were ever conjoined in the first place.  It all has to do with wanting to marry the same woman."
Testing to conclude which of the brothers is the father of the yet to be born Thing are inconclusive and Ms. Ova refuses further testing. " It's my Thing and I'll do what I want to do!" she sang defiantly to the 1969 tune "It's Your Thing" by the Isley Brothers. Ova refused further talks with the media.

County Attorney Pat McGroin looked dumbfounded when asked for his opinion on this case. "You know, I just don't know.  There are just too many things to think about, no pun intended."

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