Saturday, July 6, 2013

SUMMER SKYS BRING NEW UFO SIGHTINGS, CITY MANAGER ACTIVATES SLUTTS

"It's that time a year again," noted Bridgeport City Manager, Lance Boil, "the UFOs are back or at least people are outside more and seeing them more often."  As of yesterday, 22 UFOs have been reported over the skies of Bridgeport prompting Manager Boil to activate the  city's newly formed department named SLUTTS, (Stargazers Looking Up To The  Sky). SLUTTS was formed to collect information and investigate UFO sightings made by Bridgeport residents.


The city's newest employees
Starr, Venus, and Moonbeam will
be looking for UFOs from their
apartment above city hall.
"I'm happy to announce I was able to solicit a skilled trio of professionals to monitor our skies", Boil announced at a recent town hall meeting. "The cost of running this department will be offset by the  funds no longer needed for snow removal."

City Manager Lance Boil on
a recent business trip to
 Las Vegas
The three new city employees, Starr, Venus, and Moonbeam, will move to Bridgeport from LasVegas, where Boil and the Mayor attended a UFO crisis meeting in April.  They will be living in the apartment above city hall and will be using the telescope provided to them to keep an eye on the sky.  Boil said the SLUTTS program will give the city an early warning capability and prevent panic in the streets. He also reiterated how professional the three young ladies were in their hiring interview.  "They were polite and really knew a lot about UFOs", said Boil.
Channel 1 News asked to interview the trio, but was denied access due to their work load. They will be available however, tomorrow at the Mars Bar & Grill on 7th Street during Happy Hour from 4- 7 p.m., where they will be signing posters of various star clusters and planets.  Citizens are encouraged to come out and meet the city's newest "team". 
The news of this new department has many in Bridgeport calling for a special meeting with the Mayor.  Are limited city coffers being used wisely?  Has the city manager gone too far?  Are there really flying saucers?  These are just a few of the questions the Mayor will be asked to answer when he returns from vacation.  Channel 1 News will be there.

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