Monday, August 12, 2013

LOCAL MAN DISCOVERS BENEFITS OF CROCODILE TEARS AMID SKEPTICISM

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.

Saul Lomi found his swagger after using
crocodile tears in his Wheaties.  "I'm like a
magnet to women now!"
Crocodile tears are making headlines around the country again after a man in Bridgeport claimed his love life increased ten fold after adding the slightly sweet tears to his Wheaties.
Saul Lomi, 65, a retired florist from Bridgeport is enjoying his new youthfulness as he makes the rounds at all the bars and busy nightspots.  "It's got to be the crococdile tears!" he exclaimed.  "One day I'm an old has been of 65, then a couple day's after sweetening my Wheaties with croc tears, I'm being hounded like a rock star, women everywhere are hitting on me!"
Lomi saw an ad in a obscure journal while in the waiting room of his urologist.  The ad read,  Get Your Swagger Back. "I thought, what the hell I may as well give it a try.  The poor guy that collected the tears lost a hand to the crocodile so it was the least I could do."  Lomi sent for the four once bottle of crocodile tears and since then, has not looked back.

Research doctors at Bridgeport University are skeptical of Lomi's claims but have been able to disprove them because of a lack of crocodile tears for study.  It turns out the man Lomi  purchased the tears from parished while making a further one handed attempt at collecting more tears.  Since learning of this tragedy, Lomi is guarding his remaining crocodile tears with his life.  
CHANNEL 1 NEWS has sent Senior Newsman Dave Taylor to South America to talk to the widow of the crocodile tear collector.  The truth will be reported here in a future story.

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