Thursday, September 19, 2013

TAINTED MOUTH WASH LEAVES MAN NEAR DEATH AND WITH A BAD TASTE IN HIS MOUTH

MAYORAL CANDIDATE IKEN DOOLITTLE IS CREDITED WITH SAVING THE MANS LIFE AFTER DETECTING TAINTED MOUTH WASH IN MAN'S BREATH

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.


Iken Doolittle shown here in a
previous photo, is being hailed
as a hero.
Less than a week after announcing his candidacy for Bridgeport's top spot as the Mayor, City Councilman Iken Doolittle is being hailed as a hero.  On Wednesday morning as Doolittle enjoyed his apricot/rhubarb juice at The Breakfast Club Cafe, Delbert Stank, 60, from nearby Clusterbang Lake stumbled in holding his throat and dropped heavily to his knees.  As others in the cafe screamed and scrambled to leave, Doolittle instinctively began sniffing Stank's breath and was able to determine that the stink in Stank's breath came from recently gargled tainted mouthwash.
"Stank's breath was stinky," Doolittle said. "And with my abnormally heightened sniffing receptors, I could smell something wrong from across the room."  As Stank writhed around on the floor in obvious discomfort, Doolittle took one sniff of his breath and immediately grabbed a butter knife from a table and scrapped Stank's throat to get a culture.  Using a new app on his IPhone he quickly was able to study the culture and diagnose the problem of tainted mouthwash.  He gave Stank an antidote and within minutes Stank was well enough to be transported to the hospital where he was treated for fractured knees and scrape wounds in his throat.

Delbert Stank rests comfortably
in the hospital after gargling
tainted mouth wash.
As reported in an earlier story, Doolittle is a self taught morning breath oder evaluator, who earns a hefty living as a free lance morning breath sniffer. He sells his results to bad breath companies world wide.  He announced his candidacy for Mayor earlier in the week and when asked by OFF THE WALL NEWS if he thought this bit of heroism would get him more votes, he replied, "I hope so.  This is going to be a very close race, but I think I can win by a nose."
OFF THE WALL NEWS will follow all the candidates in this most important of city races.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Please provide feedback.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.