Friday, November 29, 2013

ULTRA RARE ONE WINGED BIRD EXCITES BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPERS

IN WHAT MAY BE A ONCE IN A LIFE TIME EVENT, A RARE ONE WINGED BIRD FLEW INTO BRIDGEPORT OVERNIGHT, CAUSING BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPERS TO  THINK IT WAS THE ULTIMATE DOOR BUSTER, RESULTING IN A STAMPEDE.  AN ALERT WAS ISSUED FOR DOWNTOWN AFTER  INJURIES WERE REPORTED....

BRIDGEPORT

This picture shows the bird coming in over the lake before landing
Shopper Terri Klawth, 25, of Bridgeport was one of hundreds of Thanksgiving night shoppers to witness the bird, as it flew in and landed in the Walmart parking lot.  "I was at Walmart for a free pregnancy test", she said, "And had never seen a one winged bird before. I remember thinking that Walmart had pulled out all the stops this time and I just had to have one!"
Klawth was knocked over in the frenzy and treated for bruises and abrasions at a first aid stand before being taken home.
As for the bird, it was able to take off before being overtaken by what some are saying was an out of control crowd.  It lifted up into the air, circled overhead, and was joined by another bird before heading south and out of town. 

Professor Ho Lee Kow
Professor Ho Lee Kow, of the Bridgeport Rapture Center learned of the rare bird sighting while watching a news alert interrupting the Thanksgiving night football game he was watching.  "I couldn't believe it," he said, "I think it possible, it might have been a Lone Wing Ranger bird. They often fly together with another rare bird called a Tonto bird.  It is no doubt they are headed South for the winter."
Bird watchers will be on the lookout next May in hopes of seeing this rare bird as it heads back North and CHANNEL 1 NEWS will be there.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE CANCELED....PARADES-R-US TO THE RESCUE!

THIS SATURDAY, PARADE GOING DIEHARDS WILL HAVE THEIR THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE AFTER ALL , AS PARADES-R-US DONATES A PARADE TO THE CITY,  COMPLETE WITH FLOATS, MARCHING BANDS, AND SANTA CLAUS


BRIDGEPORT

Saturday, a little know company based in Bridgeport, Parades-R-Us will be hosting and presenting a parade to replace today's canceled parade.  "Better late, than never!",  PRU spokesman Kenny Duet told CHANNEL 1 NEWS.
This is part of the crowd that showed up this morning to  protest.   


The annual Thanksgiving Day parade, put on by the city was canceled this year due to a lack of parade floats, causing mass anger in the city. Mayor Ben Dover even decided to cut short his recent campaign win  vacation to come home and address the situation. 
Hundreds of parade goers lined the main parade route this morning, many dressed as Pilgrims, shouting obscenities and demanding that a parade be held.  City officials met at city hall just after 9 A.M. to discuss a plan to defuse the escalating turmoil in the streets.  It was quickly decided to parade the city vehicles down the parade route, officials went to the city maintenance shed where each of them manned a dump-truck, road grader, or backhoe and began parading with the protection of the police force. This tactic worked for about ten minutes before parade goers began tossing cans and bottles at the city trucks and maintenance vehicles and demanding to talk to the Mayor. 
City officials tried to appease the crowd 

It was then that Parades-R-Us spokesman Kenny Duet stepped in and announced over loud speakers that his company would donate a parade, which would take place this Saturday. He was given a huge round of applause from the crowd and they quickly began to disperse.  Order was restored just as smiling Mayor Dover's limo pulled up. After hearing of PRUs gift, he said, "It's times like these, that I'm proud to be the Mayor of this fine city!" and then he added, "Happy Thanksgiving to all!"  





Saturday, November 23, 2013

CHANNEL 1 NEWS'S DAVE TAYLOR "OUTED" DURING MORNING RUN

IS CHANNEL 1 NEWS ANCHOR DAVE TAYLOR REALLY A JOCK?  RUMORS ARE SWIRLING AFTER PHOTOGRAPH SURFACES ON THE WEB

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.


This picture of Dave Taylor was
posted early today showing Taylor
out for a morning run.
It is somewhat embarrassing for this news source to be posting a story about it's award seeking, lead anchor Dave Taylor, but after a reader in the far off state of Florida brought it to our attention, we were told by Taylor to "run with it!" No pun intended.
"In keeping with our integrity, there can be no cover-ups" Taylor told the staff tonight in an impromptu meeting.  As it turns out, Taylor has been a closet jock for some time now, often running in disguise.
"That will stop," he said.  "I hope others will "come out" with me
and run, skip, jog, do summer-salts, or climb trees."
As for the reader from Florida, Taylor sends a thank you for "outing" him.
CHANNEL 1 NEWS will follow Taylor's progress as he begins training for a one armed pull-up competition later this year.

THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE CANCELED DUE TO FLOAT SHORTAGE LEAVING SANTA OUT IN THE COLD

ONLY TWO FLOAT ENTRANTS HAVE BEEN SIGNED LEAVING PARADE OFFICIALS NO CHOICE BUT TO PULL THE PLUG. LEAVING THE  CITY STILL OWING SANTA CLAUS

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.

With all the chaos surrounding the Black Friday/Thanksgiving day shopping debacle, it looks like the real casualty will be the annual Thanksgiving Day parade.  A parade that normally has over fifty floats and marching bands, had only two floats signed to parade as of yesterday.  Making matters worse, the contract the city has with Santa Claus to bring up the rear of the parade may still have to be honored, costing the city $2500 plus expenses.
"Where are all the float entrants this year?" asked Mayor Ben Dover, via phone from Disney World, where he is celebrating after winning another term as Mayor.  No one could answer his question though, as no one knew the answer.  The Mayor said he is cutting short his vacation and will return to Bridgeport to help salvage the parade, but as gallant as that sounds, it's already too late.
File photo from Bridgeport parade last year.
Santa threw candy along the parade route.

Councilman Iken Doolittle and City Attorney Pat McGroin are in negotiations with Santa Claus about reducing his fee, because of the parade cancellation.  Attorney McGroin expressed doubt about getting out of the contract however, because Santa had turned down other parade offers to participate in the Bridgeport parade.

It's looking like the city may be on the hook for the full amount plus, meaning the small print in the contract stipulates that if there is a cancellation of his services, he receives an extra $500 in punitive damages.
All in all it is a sorry mess and hopefully it will be brought under control in time for next year.  Mayor Dover has promised that he will do all he can to make next year's parade, the best ever.  Spoken like a true politician.
CHANNEL 1 NEWS will follow this story as it "unwinds".


Friday, November 22, 2013

WOMAN PLANS TO SUE OVER ESCALATOR ENTRAPMENT

WIFE OF MAN TRAPPED ON AN ESCALATOR SAYS HUSBAND IS STILL TRAUMATIZED  DUE TO THE EFFECTS HE SUFFERED IN LAST FRIDAY'S INCIDENT AND MAY NEED TO BE HOSPITALIZED

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.

Edith Packman, the wife of Eddy Packman of Bridgeport has filed a lawsuit in district court over an incident that took place last Friday at the Big Buy department store on 7th St.  (See story in earlier edition of CHANNEL 1 NEWS) In the lawsuit she is claiming the department store is at fault for allowing it's escalator to malfunction, causing her husband to be trapped midway between floors.
"He hasn't been the same since," Mrs. Packman was quoted as saying.  "He won't use the stairs at home now and has to sleep on the love seat, which I hate. I am beside myself because I can't get him to come upstairs to bed.  I'm tired of sleeping alone and will also sue for loss of affection!" 

Edith Packman says she's beside
herself because she can't get her
husband to come upstairs to bed.
I'm starved for his  affection.
She went on to say that when he was stuck on the escalator, he was forced to hold his bladder from emptying, resulting in him biting his lower lip to the point of bleeding. "The man went through hell, both emotionally and physically!" she added, becoming visibly shaken.

Surveillance  photo of woman tampering
with the escalator electrical box.
Big Buy refused to comment due to the upcoming lawsuit, although the store manager agreed to talk under condition of  anonymity.  He told CHANNEL 1 NEWS that the Packmans come into the store quite regularly to ride the escalators and on the day the escalator malfunctioned, the store has surveillance video footage that shows Mrs. Packman tampering with an electrical box containing the escalator controls.  "This will all come out in the trail." he promised.
CHANNEL 1 NEWS will follow this story into the courtroom if necessary.  As for the escalator in question, it has carried hundreds of riders without incident since being re-started last Friday.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

SHARP SWORD GIVING IN TO THE GROWING TREND AND WILL OPEN ON THANKSGIVING DAY

 AS MORE AND MORE RETAILERS JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON, SHARP OWNER SAYS SHE  HAD NO CHOICE

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.


Wanda Sharp shown here in her downtown showroom,
says she'll be open at 11:30 A.M. Thanksgiving Day.

 
Wanda Sharp has owned and operated Sharp Swords in downtown Bridgeport for over ten years and this will be the first time she will have the store open on Thanksgiving Day. 
"Personally I don't like the idea," she told CHANNEL 1 NEWS, "I've always waited until Black Friday, but that won't cut it this year. I've had over a hundred inquiries from folks around the area asking if I'd be open on the holiday.  Maybe they're using my swords to carve the turkey!" she added with a grin.
The store will open at 11:30 A.M. Sharp plans to go all out with a door-buster and offer a free Samurai sword to the first twenty people through the door.  Kids will be welcome too and each one with or without an adult will receive an 8" chocolate dagger. Sharp will also preview her new line of medieval clothing, starting at 2 P.M.  "If people are looking to dress like they did back in the Dark Ages, they'll want to be here for this." Sharp was quoted as saying. 

Many Bridgeport businesses have been waiting to see if their competition will be open before deciding whether to open on the holiday or not.  Many are wanting to move Thanksgiving to Wednesday so as they can stay home and celebrate with family.  "I'm all for that!" said Sharp.
CHANNEL 1 NEWS  office will be closed that day, but Dave Taylor will be on duty as usual.


Monday, November 18, 2013

MAN STRANDED ON ESCALATOR RESCUED AFTER TWO HOUR ORDEAL

MAN'S WIFE WAS OVERJOYED TO HEAR HUSBAND WAS SAFE AFTER SPENDING OVER TWO HOURS STUCK ON A BROKEN ESCALATOR.

BRIDGEPORT, Mn


Eddy Packman shows how close he came
 to wetting his pants while stuck on
an escalator.
Eddy Packman, 53, of Bridgeport found himself not going anywhere fast yesterday, when he was trapped between floors at the Big Buy department store on 7th Street.  "I was doing a little early Christmas shopping at Big Buy and was headed to the basement to use the rest room, when I heard a big screech," Packman told CHANNEL 1 NEWS. "Everything stopped moving and there I stood standing a little over half way up the escalator."

According to department store officials, there were about ten other shoppers also trapped when the escalator came to a halt, but everyone remained calm, avoiding a panic situation.  Those ten, eight women and two children were close to the bottom and able to make their way off the escalator.  Packman however was about two thirds of the way up and told store personnel he suffers from Acrophobia, a fear of heights.  A repair service was called as Packman stood, eyes closed and gripping the rubber hand railings.
About forty-five minutes later an escalator repair service arrived and began working on the problem.  After an hour and a half the escalator was still broken and due to Packman hyper-ventilating, the fire department was called.  "We didn't want the guy to end up falling down the stairs." store manager Oral Dickson was quoted as saying.  "He was sweating and  white with fright!"
Bridgeport Fire Station #3 arrived in ten minutes and had Packman back on the main floor in no time, where his wife greeted him with a big hug.  He immediately went to the restroom and after fifteen minutes, the couple quickly made their way out of the store avoiding the press, who had gathered to interview Packman.
At last report the escalator is repaired and working once again.  

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

BEN DOVER WINS THIRD TERM AS MAYOR OF BRIDGEPORT

CLOSELY CONTESTED RACE BETWEEN DOVER AND IKEN DOOLITTLE ENDS WITH THE INCUMBENT MAYOR GETTING 51% OF THE VOTE


 
 
Ben Dover was elected to a third term as Bridgeport's Mayor. 
This photo, released by his office, shows him accepting the news.
BRIDGEPORT, Mn.

As the final votes were counted last night Mayor Ben Dover and his opponent in the race, Iken Doolittle sat on opposite sides of
a picnic table in Alf's Gentleman's Club, next door to City Hall.  It wasn't until that last fifty votes were counted that a winner was declared. 
At 11:02 P.M. voting head judge Clara Bell stood up and declared Dover the winner by eleven votes. With only 712 total votes cast, it was one of the worst turn outs in Bridgeport history.  The contest loser Doolittle, upon hearing the decision, stood up and congratulated his opponent. 
"My biggest regret is having to cancel my trip to Disneyland." he said.  "My kids will be heartbroken that I lost." In a show of good will, Mayor Dover offered to take Doolittle's kids to Disneyland in his place, which Doolittle declined.  They shook hands and parted.

The real victory party started just after midnight with free beer and brats, followed by an arm twisting competition.  "Arm twisting is an important part of politics." Dover said.
Dover was to leave this morning on city business, for what he called a fact finding mission in Brazil.  "I want to explore the trade possibilities," he told a small crowd waiting for a refill near the free beer keg.

CHANNEL 1 NEWS hopes to interview the Mayor upon his return in ten days to get an insight to what he plans for the city in the coming year.





Tuesday, November 5, 2013

MAYOR BEN DOVER SEEKS HIS THIRD TERM

ELECTION DAY HAS ARRIVED AND BRIDGEPORT CITIZENS ARE TURNING OUT IN DROVES, POLLS CLOSE AT 7:59 P.M.

BRIDGEPORT, Mn.

Now that election day 2013 has arrived, the in-fighting  between rivals Mayor Ben Dover and City Councilman Iken Doolittle is over and their futures are in the hands of the good people of Bridgeport.

Iken Doolittle
CHANNEL 1 NEWS has been following both candidates the last few months and the findings have been made public. 

Ben Dover
There is quite a difference between the two men, both privately and publicly.  Dover likes to govern like there's no tomorrow, while Doolittle puts things off until tomorrow, saying haste makes waste.  Dover has logged just over 12000 miles this year skipping around the world on city business, while Doolittle sprained an ankle skipping rope. Dover pushed a bill to make marijuana legal within the city limits so it could be controlled and taxed and also to discourage cartels from coming into Bridgeport, while Doolittle instituted a bill that would make Halloween a city holiday.  (It should be noted that Dover was all for another city holiday.)  Iken is a family man who stays home at night with his wife and children, while Dover is between wives, stating he is too busy doing the city's  work to settle down. (It should be noted that he was often accompanied by a troupe of  female "assistants" while on city business out of town.)

The differences between these two men goes on and on, but when it comes to Bridgeport, both men tear up when talking about the city.  Up until last August the men were friends.  It was then that Doolittle announced his plans to oppose Dover and run for mayor.  After the votes are in and counted, Dover has said if he retains the office, he will leave immediately on a fact finding mission to Brazil.  If Doolittle wins, he's going to Disneyland, but will be back by the following Monday..  

CHANNEL 1 NEWS will announce the results as soon as a winner is declared.






Monday, November 4, 2013

RARE DISEASE SCHWARTZENSPEAK IS THE TALK OF THE TOWN!

DOCTORS AT A LOCAL HOSPITAL BAFFLED, SAYING MORE TESTING IS NEEDED TO RULE OUT ARNOLD IMPERSONATORS

BRIDGEPORT, MN.


Dr. Shitzeen Giggils M.D
"I'm not a man, dammit!"
A newly discovered disease which attacks the vocal cords, has been named Schwartzenspeak for the way those stricken take on the accent of famous movie actor and former California governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Visiting medical researcher Dr. Shitzeen Giggils of the Struggling for Better Health Clinic or SBHC as it's called, arrived in town on Saturday to interview the latest cases to come down with the disease.  "The rate of rare diseases is increasing." she said in a statement to local radio station KIDG.  Dr. Giggils, who herself was stricken with the disease at an early age, has dedicated her practice to finding a cure. "I know wot it is like to have yur speech joeked about behind yur back.  I even get mistaken for Arnold sometime an I'm not a man, dammit!"
As of last count, 22 people in Bridgeport have been diagnosed with Schwartzenspeak.  The youngest being 15 and the oldest 89.  Doctors aren't sure just yet how the disease is spread.    It was first thought to be spread mouth to mouth, but that was quickly ruled out when two cases who claimed they caught it over the phone, were confirmed.
CHANNEL 1 NEWS will continue to follow this story and report any breakthroughs in this strange and up to now, rare disease.