Thursday, December 12, 2013

BRIDGEPORT SETS RECORD WITH TWO FEET OF SNOW


LOCAL RESIDENTS WOKE UP TO TWO FEET OF SNOW ON THE SIDEWALK DOWNTOWN.  METEOROLOGISTS ARE SCRAMBLING TO EXPLAIN IT AS LOCAL CLERGY SAY IT IS AN OMEN

BRIDGEPORT
 

 

Early morning snow shovelers were shocked to find two feet of snow waiting for them this morning.  The five foot tall feet, were estimated to be a size 54 EEEE.
A podiatrist, Dr. Keisa Miassa from the Bridgeport General Clinic was called in when damage was spotted on toes of  the left foot.  "It appears to be frostbite," she said kneeling down to get a better look, "And all the toenails are missing."  She started shivering and was whisked away to a heated tent.
As meteorologist stood scratching their heads a local minister, the Reverend Peter Paul Mark John Boy declared the ten toes on the frozen feet signified ten reasons to repent before temperatures rise.
When asked to explain, he replied, "Once the temperature rises, one's chance to repent will go down the drain."  He had to be taken away from the feet against his will.
Bridgeport Mayor, Ben Dover wants the feet moved into a meat locker where they can be preserved and then put on public display in next year's 4th of July parade.  City Attorney Pat McGroin, an avid critic of the Mayor, expressed suspicions for this plan, pointing out the Mayor's recent battle with a foot fetish condition.  "And who would foot the bill for the locker rental?" McGroin asked.

As of last report, the two men were heard bickering about the fate of the feet as the feet began to shrink.  CHANNEL 1 NEWS will keep a leg up on this story and report any and all new developments.


 

 
 
 


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