Monday, December 2, 2013

MEDICAL MALL PLUS TO OPEN IN BRIDGEPORT

CITY OFFICIALS ANNOUNCE THE FIRST OF ITS KIND MEDICAL OUTLET MALL WILL BE BUILT NEXT SPRING NEXT TO THE KMART COMPLEX ON HIGHWAY 44.  THE CONTRACTS HAVE BEEN SIGNED AND GROUND BREAKING IS APRIL FIRST.

BRIDGEPORT

An artist rendition of the Medical Mall courtyard
Last nights city council meeting trumped all others as Mayor Ben Dover stood proudly in front of the news media and announced his latest triumph.  "What was once just my  vision, will soon be a reality for the city of Bridgeport!" he proclaimed.  After pausing and wiping a tear from his eye, he broke the news of a new three million dollar medical facility project. "In an effort to make certain medical procedures easier to obtain in a shopper friendly atmosphere,  I have made an agreement with Healthy Town Incorporated to build a new mall in Bridgeport."  Details of the agreement were not made public, but the concept of the mall was.
All in all, there will be about twenty outlets within a large building all situated around a public courtyard.  Here is a list of just some of the  "merchants" coming to the new mall:

Discount Vasectomy....A family run business, "We undercut the competition!"
Midwives Inc.  Helping women have babies the old fashion way. "We pull for you, you push for us."
Right Size Dildo, Your money back if not satisfied.  "Come in for the perfect fit."
Masters of Podiatry, "We expose secrets between your toes" You'll get a kick out of our service!
Tooth Extractors-R-Us, "Teeth removed while you wait" Ask about our discount false dentures.
Boils Away,  "The pain stops here, let us relieve your pressure"
Pimples & Dimples, "We aim to squeeze and please!"
Enema Zone,  "Let our flush make you blush!" Refer a friend and get a discount on your next visit.
Comfort Colostomy, Our friendly staff knows what to do. "If you feel it, it's free!" Walk-ins welcome. 
Vagina's Secret...Vaginal Exams while you sleep. Come in, put your feet up and relax..."We wake you when it's over!"
1st National Sperm Bank...Earn money helping others. "Feel good about yourself!" Must be at least 18.

There will also be a twelve screen movie theater as well as a national Dutch supermarket within the complex.  Mayor Dover hopes to also get a McDonald's or Wendys in the mall courtyard.  CHANNEL 1 NEWS will follow this story and keep our readers and viewers updated as it happens.

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