Saturday, February 8, 2014

WOMAN SETS CRYING RECORD THEN DIES

AFTER WINNING THE GUINNESS BROTHERS WORLD CRYING RECORD, LOCAL WOMAN DIES OF DEHYDRATION

BRIDGEPORT

Mavis Dipwell sheds tears of happiness
after winning the world crying record.
Always wanting to set some kind of world record, Mavis Dipwell, 43, of Bridgeport cried herself into the Guinness Brothers World Records book this week after crying twenty-three and half hours a day for nine days, sixteen hours, and twelve minutes. This beat the previous record by eight days, set in 1966 by Question Mark and the Mysterians who recorded the song "96 Tears" to mark that event.

Dipwell, upon winning the record stopped crying for seven minutes and declined a sip of Gatorade before breaking down and shedding more tears of joy due to the win. Noted dehydration expert Delbert Sands, surmised it was this last crying binge at the end that might have caused her death. "She literally had depleted herself of moisture," he added while noting her cracked lips and crusted eye sockets.

She was sobbing uncontrollably as paramedics were called in and not even her brother could get her to stop.  She died as doctors worked feverishly to find a vein in her arm to administer an IV.
Dipwell's brother Augie, 44, told CHANNEL 1 NEWS that he is positive that his sister had died happy after she realized the other records she had also been awarded by the Guinness Brothers.  Those records being, single handedly hand peeling and chopping the most cases of onions at 31 cases, reading and memorizing the obituary pages of 20 newspapers, and for shedding and saving five gallons of tears. The tears are stored in sterilized jars and will be sold to people with Dry Eye Syndrome, with proceeds going to the bank.  Patients with this syndrome should contact the Bridgeport General Hospital for more information.

Dipwell who worked at the Burger Shack as a prep cook, got the idea of going for the world crying record after dicing onions for  Burger Shack's signature Onion Burger.  Burger Shack plans to change the name of their Onion Burger to the Dipwell Burger as soon as new menus are ordered.
Burger Shack plans to rename its famous
Onion Burger to Dipwell Burger in honor
of Mavis Dipwell, world record setter.

Readers are not advised to repeat the actions of Dipwell.


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