Thursday, November 27, 2014

VIOLENT PROTESTS BREAK OUT OVER THANKSGIVING DATE CHANGE

TURKEY FARMERS REVOLT, RELEASING HUNDREDS OF TURKEYS INTO THE STREETS OF BRIDGE PORT

BRIDGE PORT

Members of the Bridge Port city council had no idea what sort of chaos they were igniting yesterday, when they voted to move the Thanksgiving holiday to December 20th.  (See OFF THE WALL story dated 11/26/14)  Turkey farmers were one of the first groups to protest when they learned they would have to continue raising their turkeys almost another month.

Turkeys are everywhere!
"My birds are ready now!" shouted Shitzer Brownstool, a Bridge Port turkey rancher, before setting a truck load of the heavy birds free on the edge of town.  "The cost for me to continue feeding these birds another three weeks will cost me any profit I hoped to make.  I my as well let them go free today!"

Shoppers and Thanksgiving celebrants clash
Elsewhere in the city police and firemen were called out to restore peace and extinguish fires set in the street by rowdy Thanksgiving revelers, who were being heckled by early shoppers, out looking for super early deals.  "I've never seen anything like this!" said Maudin Heavan, 68, of Bridge Port, "except maybe last year, only not as bad."

OFF THE WALL NEWS was able to reach the Mayor, who is vacationing in the Bahamas.  He refused to answer any questions, stating it was a holiday. 
If you are celebrating Thanksgiving where you are, have a safe and wonderful day, from all of us here at OFF THE WALL NEWS.


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