Monday, September 28, 2015

NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES ROCKET SHIP, SENDING MAN TO THE SUN

LONG TIME SKEPTIC OF CLIMATE CHANGE, NORTH KOREAN LEADER KIM JONG-UN SENDS A VOLUNTEER ASTRONAUT TO THE SUN

PICNIC ISLAND

In a stunning announcement Sunday, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un told OFF THE WALL NEWS that the country of North Korea  had sent a "volunteer" astronaut on a mission to the sun to prove it is "hotter there, than here". 
Kim Jung-Un
"Climate change like what the United States is claiming is false!" Jong-Un proclaimed as he rubbed sun screen into his face. "We have sent a man to the sun to prove it is hotter up there in space than here."

The mission was to have began in mid August when a North Korean  resident was chosen in a lottery to become the first man to the sun.  Ho Lee Fuk, 29 was chosen because of his dark complexion, making him, according to Jung-Un, the perfect candidate.  Fuk was launched skyward on August 12th, sitting high a top of a North Koran rocket in a capsule named QuJung 1 which translates loosely to Crisp 1.  

Ho Lee Fuk in a selfie with the sun
North Korea's mission control reported all was going well until the ship passed the point of no return on Sunday.  Fuk reported that his sun glasses were not working as promised and his eyes were burning, requesting to return to Earth.  The request was denied and less than four hours later the ship burst into flames, as excessive heat caused the Crisp 1 to explode. 

"This is proof that the climate out there is hotter than on Earth" Kim Jung-Un boasted.  "In Mr. Fuk's honor, I have named a sun tan lotion after him."  The sun screen Ho Lee Fuk is now available in all North Korean drug stores and is rated a protection rating of 502, for the exact time his capsule exploded.  OFF THE WALL NEWS hopes to verify this story with our reporters north of the DMZ.  Dave Taylor may travel to Picnic Island to investigate.

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