Tuesday, January 19, 2016

GREEN BAY QUARTERBACK FILES TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO HAIL MARY, CHURCH SHOCKED!

AARON RODGERS SEEKS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO HAIL MARY AGAINST THE WISHES OF THE VATICAN WHO SAYS IT WILL CAUSE TOO MUCH CONFUSION

GREEN BAY

Packer's quarterback Aaron Rodgers was in court Monday petitioning to legally change his name to Hail Mary.  "It is a name people are associating me with," he told the judge. "Out of desperation, I've been making hail Mary passes all season and I feel the name fits me."
Rodgers holding a fan he says in not confused
"Not so!" the Vatican responded.  "There was no such thing as football, back in Mary's time. Allowing Mr. Rodgers to rename himself after the Holy Mother would set back our children's catechism by fifty years!"
Rodgers hoped to debunk the Vatican's objections by posing with a young fan whom he claims in not confused at all.  "This kid knows how well I can pass when I'm being chased and already calls me Mr. Mary."

Representatives of the Pope say the Holy Father has written NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to express his displeasure and damnation of Rodger's intentions and has threatened to make watching this years Super Bowl a mortal sin, This would technically make the game unwatchable to millions of Catholic football fans.
Those close to Goodell say he is close to having a a meltdown.  One of the closest members of his entourage told OFF THE WALL NEWS he heard Goodell shouting "And I thought the Goddamned concussion issue was going to bring me down!"  Goodell then kicked a hole in his hotel room wall before locking himself in the bathroom to yell obscenities.
Football experts are saying that one way to put an end to this is to ban hail mary passes.  This would greatly hinder Aaron Rodgers however, leading to more disruption in the game.
Updates to this story will follow.


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