Saturday, July 16, 2016

WOMAN UNABLE TO STOP RUNNY NOSE

AFTER HER NOSE HAD BEEN RUNNING NON STOP FOR DAYS, SHE INSERTED NOSE PLUGS WHICH CAUSED HER HEAD AND FACE TO SWELL 

BRIDGEPORT, MN.

A Real Headache
Izekea (Pronounced: I-zeek-e-a) Davis, 24, of Bridgeport started feeling her nose run the day Bernie Sanders conceded his race for the White House.  She has always had a nose for politics and remembered it being a strange feeling, as if she was now running for President. Twelve boxes of Kleenex later and after hanging herself upside down ten hours without relief, she decided to to call Dr. Phillip Sponge, of the Eyes, Nose, Ears, and Toes Clinic. Dr. Sponge, who gained notoriety for learning to play his eardrums, suggested that Davis (Pronounced: Day-viss) stuff her nostrils with nose plugs.

"It was wonderful at first!" Davis told Dave Taylor of OFF THE WALL NEWS.  "My lips had become chapped due to the constant running of my nose and when the corks stopped the running, my lips dried right up!  Then I felt it.  My head started filling with the nasal fluid and I feared I could drown."   She drove herself to the clinic and by the time she arrived, her head had swollen to the point, she couldn't recognize herself in the rear-view mirror.
Dr. Sponge took one look at her and shook her head with his hands. Hearing a sloshing sound, he excused himself from the room and returned with a stainless steel bucket, a small inner-tube, and a stack of towels. OFF THE WALL NEWS was then asked to leave the room, while Sponge went to work. Due to patient privacy laws, just what procedure Sponge used on Davis is confidential.

As of last update, Ms. Davis is resting comfortably in a hospital bathtub and plans to debate Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in a televised debate.  She is being backed by Kleenex.

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