Sunday, September 25, 2016

HILLARY CAUGHT ON CAMERA AGAIN!!

AFTER VIDEO SHOWS HER NEEDING HELP GETTING INTO HER VAN A FEW WEEKS AGO, SHE DOES A COMPLETE REVERSAL AND COMES TO THE AID OF TWO BODY GUARDS HAVING TROUBLE MOUNTING THE STEPS....

BRIDGEPORT, MN.

A still photo taken from OFF THE WALL NEWS video programming.
Two secret service body guards wanting to impress their boss, Hillary Clinton, raced up greasy steps to open a door, only to lose their balance and nearly fall.  Luckily for them, H.C. was there to grab them and keep them from falling.  They both thanked her and were allowed to sit on the steps for a few minutes until they regained their composure.
Unverified reports said Russian President, Vladimir Putin was seen observing this event from a window across the street.  Whether this had anything to do with the steps being grease laden is still unproven at this time.  OFF THE WALL NEWS will continue to monitor this story.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

TRUMPS LONG LOST COUSIN SURFACES IN NORTH KOREA

DONALD TRUMP'S COUSIN, DICK TRUMP GAVE A THUMBS UP TO HIS NORTH KOREAN HANDLERS AFTER BEING ALLOWED TO PHONE "HOME".  HE TALKED TO THE DONALD FOR 38 MINUTES ABOUT THE UP COMING ELECTION.......

NORTH KOREA

In a shocking turn of events, Donald Trump accepted a collect call from North Korea on Thursday and was shocked to hear his long lost cousin Dick on the line. 
"I usually don't accept collect calls unless I get a written promise I'll be repaid," Trump told his secret service body guard. "Too many crank calls." 
This call caught him off guard and he accepted, thinking he'd be talking with North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un.  When he heard his cousin's voice instead, he was shocked.
Dick Trump at family reunion 1999
Dick Trump was last seen in 1999 at a Trump family reunion, where he won a drinking contest and wandered off.  In 2010, rumors surfaced that he went to South Korea to claim a young bride and from there he was lured by North Korean officials to come North for a free BBQ.
Dick Trump as he looks today.
Once in North Korea, he was taken prisoner and brain washed for eight and a half hours.  Records show he denounced his country club records and soon married one of Kim Jong Un's aunts.  He was not heard from again until Donald Trump's phone rang.
The two cousins talked about numerous things, including Dick's support for Donald.  When the called ended Donald Trump made Dick promise to repay him for the collect call, the next time they met.   OFF THE WALL NEWS will be there to record this event.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

DRUG COMPANY MAY SOON SELL MEDICATIONS DIRECT

PHARMACIES AND PHYSICIANS MAY SOON BE OUT OF THE LOOP IF DRUG COMPANY OWNER HAS HIS WAY BY SELLING MEDICATIONS DIRECT TO CONSUMERS

BRIDGEPORT, MN

Payne Free, testing pharmaceuticals
OFF THE WALL NEWS learned this morning, the pharmaceutical company Payne Free Unlimited has filed papers to sell pharmaceuticals direct to the consumer.  The company, named after its founder has been operating off shore since 1968 and hopes to move to Bridgeport, Minnesota once permission is granted.
When interviewed by OFF THE WALL NEWS last week, Free, 55, said he had nothing against doctors or the corner drug stores, except they are making more than their fair share of money off the drugs his company produces.  He hopes to hire street people, to get his products direct to where they are needed and bypass the middle man.
The Federal Drug Agency is taking steps to see this doesn't happen and will arrest anyone selling Payne Free drugs without a prescription.

Meanwhile, Free has turned over pages upon pages of medical reports, detailing the results of drug tests conducted upon himself, to show the safety of his program. "I'm probably the healthiest person in the room."  he recently told a group of sick people at a free clinic in Bridgeport.
OFF THE WALL NEWS  will follow this story until it is no longer relevant.

TRUMP'S BID FOR PRESIDENCY A HOAX

WHAT STARTED OUT LAST YEAR AS AN IDEA FOR A NEW SITCOM SNOWBALLED INTO A CANDIDACY CAUSING HAVOC IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND WORLD....

BRIDGEPORT, MN.

Dave Taylor was contacted over the weekend by a confidant of Donald Trump and told  that Trump's presidential bid for president of the United States was intended to be a new TV sitcom and not a real campaign. He went on to say Trump was "scared sh*tless" and looking for a way to bow out.

TV poster for Trump's sitcom "Clown Runs For Prez"
The new sitcom was to be written, produced, directed, and starring Donald Trump as a clown out to prove he could win the highest office in the land.  It was to be called "Clown Runs For Prez" and he planned to act as himself.  One thing led to another and Trump was soon in over his head, just the same as he was with Trump University, Trump Steak business, and his failed casinos.
Only one episode was produced which was leaked to Fox News and the rest is history.





Friday, September 9, 2016

NOTED SCIENTEST CLAIMS HE HAS CURE FOR AGING

SCIENTISTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARE CONVERGING ON BRIDGEPORT WHERE PROFESSOR HO LEE CHIT WILL PRESENT HIS FINDINGS ON FRIDAY NIGHT...

BRIDGEPORT, MN.

Not since man learned to make fire has such an important discovery been made.  Distinguished Biology Professor Ho Lee Chit claims he has discovered a cure for aging in humans.  In other words, when once treated, your body will cease aging. 
Contacted by OFF THE WALL NEWS and asked how this works, Professor Chit could only grin.  His assistant, Way Tin See, 57, who looked much younger, gave a bit more information after being promised anonymity.
Prof Chit (r) with Asst. Way Tin See

"Ho Lee has worked many late nights," Ms. See said. "Using me as a test volunteer for his concoctions, he stopped me from aging fifteen years ago.  You can look at my molecular structure under a microscope and you will find no degeneration of the cells." When pressed for details, she revealed pictures of discarded unused birthday candles.

Professor Chit, who gave his age as 58, told reporters the only side effect of his treatment was escalating ear growth.  Bridgeport Mayor Ben Dover welcomed Ho Lee Chit to the city, giving him a key to the city and coupons for free parking. He also volunteered to be Chit's next patient, stating he would make the sacrifice and stay forever young, no matter how big his ears got.
Professor Chit and his assistant were introduced shortly after noon, to the large crowd of biologist who had gathered at the Quick Feed Restaurant and Smorgasbord on 11th Avenue. OFF THE WALL NEWS also attended and will report what took place, some time after dessert. 



Monday, September 5, 2016

DAVE TAYLOR HAS A HAND IN MOTHER TERESA'S SAINTHOOD

POPE MAKES LATE NIGHT CALL TO TAYLOR BEFORE DECLARING MOTHER TERESA'S SAINTHOOD

ROME, ITALY

Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa with  Dave Taylor in the 90's
Bells rang nonstop at the Vatican, after Pope Frances announced the Sainthood of Mother Teresa. Crowds could be heard yelling and be seen for miles.  OFF THE WALL NEWS'S editor and chief anchor, Dave Taylor was there and now news is leaking out, he may have had much to do with Pope France's decision.
Taylor, reached Sunday night in Rome, filed the following report.

"My phone rang early Friday morning and I was awakened by my good friend Pope Francis (Frank).  It turns out he was in the middle of a conference, in which they were deciding if they should make Mother Teresa a saint and during their discussions, he remembered my time with Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa in the 1990s.  I was on assignment at the time when I met Pope John Paul and Mother Teresa at a street dance, they were attending undercover.  I had met Pope John Paul before, but not Mother Teresa (She told me to call her Tess).  She was just a perfect person and I told Pope Frances that over the phone. What I didn't tell him was that she could really dance too.  Jumping up and then doing the splits was no problem for her, awesome.  Pope Frances thanked me and then invited me to Rome."

OFF THE WALL NEWS  will cover this story until it is no longer newsworthy.