Friday, September 9, 2016

NOTED SCIENTEST CLAIMS HE HAS CURE FOR AGING

SCIENTISTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARE CONVERGING ON BRIDGEPORT WHERE PROFESSOR HO LEE CHIT WILL PRESENT HIS FINDINGS ON FRIDAY NIGHT...

BRIDGEPORT, MN.

Not since man learned to make fire has such an important discovery been made.  Distinguished Biology Professor Ho Lee Chit claims he has discovered a cure for aging in humans.  In other words, when once treated, your body will cease aging. 
Contacted by OFF THE WALL NEWS and asked how this works, Professor Chit could only grin.  His assistant, Way Tin See, 57, who looked much younger, gave a bit more information after being promised anonymity.
Prof Chit (r) with Asst. Way Tin See

"Ho Lee has worked many late nights," Ms. See said. "Using me as a test volunteer for his concoctions, he stopped me from aging fifteen years ago.  You can look at my molecular structure under a microscope and you will find no degeneration of the cells." When pressed for details, she revealed pictures of discarded unused birthday candles.

Professor Chit, who gave his age as 58, told reporters the only side effect of his treatment was escalating ear growth.  Bridgeport Mayor Ben Dover welcomed Ho Lee Chit to the city, giving him a key to the city and coupons for free parking. He also volunteered to be Chit's next patient, stating he would make the sacrifice and stay forever young, no matter how big his ears got.
Professor Chit and his assistant were introduced shortly after noon, to the large crowd of biologist who had gathered at the Quick Feed Restaurant and Smorgasbord on 11th Avenue. OFF THE WALL NEWS also attended and will report what took place, some time after dessert. 



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