Country radio stations coast to coast were buzzing last night, playing the songs of country music super star, Hank Wrangler, who's life was snuffed out by one of the freight trains he liked to write about. Just minutes after 11 A.M. yesterday, Wrangler was driving his pick-up on what his mother said was a beer run, when he tried to beat a fast moving freight train to a rail road crossing.
"He failed to get across the tracks in time," his third wife Whiny said, "but that don't (sic) mean he was a loser."
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He accomplished a lot in his short lifetime, moving out of his mother's house on his 25th birthday, he quickly moved in with and married his first wife, Marmalade, who had been one of his five baby sitters as a child. She is credited with coaxing him into entering a country music song writing contest. He submitted the winning song, which would become his first smash hit, "Miss You Momma".
He left Marmalade after a dispute over bed wetting and moved to Bridgeport, Minnesota to practice playing guitar and write more lyrics. Here he met his second wife, Waxanna and wrote two more hit songs, "I'm The Train and You're my Tracks" and "One More Six-Pack and You'll Look Good". Both songs hit #1 on the charts and propelled Wrangler to super stardom. Waxanna left him shortly afterwards for their gardener, plunging Wrangler into deep depression and a hatred of vegetables. A week later he met his third wife, Whiny, whom many say is the striking image of his mother, Madge. They married in a fever and moved back in with his mother at her invitation.
In the week leading up to his accident, he wrote five songs about freight trains, leading some to believe he had had a premonition. He will be missed by country music fans everywhere. A memorial will be held this weekend at his favorite Bridgeport bar, Casey Jone's Tap. Attendees will be able to hear all of his songs played back to back, starting with, "Miss You Momma" and ending with, "Scratch My Itch, Bitch". OFF THE WALL NEWS will be there.