Sunday, November 13, 2016

STUDY REVEALS MOST CRABS ARE QUITE CHEERFUL

TEN YEAR STUDY AT BRIDGEPORT UNIVERSITY SHATTERS THE LONG HELD SCIENTIFIC BELIEF THAT CERTAIN BEACH CRUSTACEANS HAVE A BAD DISPOSITION WHICH HAS LED TO CALLING THEM "CRABS".... 


BRIDGEPORT, MN

Lab Crabs, Ole and Lena love a good joke now and then.
Anyone who has been to the beach has most likely had an encounter with a sand crab.They tend to scurry about backwards, burying themselves in the sand just beneath one's toes. Up close, with their leering eyes and featherlike antennae, they tend to look crabby, thus the name given them, crab. As it turns out, nothing could be farther from the truth.

Scientist at Bridgeport University obtained a grant in 2006 to study our little beach buddies and built a small lab on Bridgeport Beach where they began a ten year study.
The prestigious Dr. Nove Ember, the foremost and leading Crabologist, headed up the study and is now writing his memoirs, which will be titled, "My First Encounter With Crabs". 

The dreaded pubic crab.
Dr. Ember broke the news on Friday of the findings of the Crab study.  "We were able to bury tiny microphones in their habitats and record their banter." he told a dumbstruck crowd of listeners.  "We then began to decipher their language, using tools obtained from the NSA and in five years began actual communication with them."
Dr. Ember told of being startled when he heard them telling jokes to each other.  His  favorite,  "Hey Lena, have you heard from your ma?  No Ole, she got scratched."  The two crabs broke out into a fervent laugh and Dr. Ember realized they were talking of their cousin crab, the pubic crab.  "I have been home to these pesky little cousins and do not recommend relationships with them."
As for the sand crabs, further studies have shown sand crabs enjoy  the weekends more than weekdays and like to play between human toes.  All in all they lead a cheerful life and should be renamed, Dr. Ember told OFF THE WALL NEWS. 
He has applied for another grant that will aid in renaming these little rascals. His favorite name right now is Sand Clowns.  Time will tell.




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