Sunday, August 20, 2017

TRUMP HOPES TO BUILD HIS BASE BY CONNECTING WITH TRANGENDER AND LGBT GROUPS

SAYING HE WAS ONLY JOKING WITH HIS TWEET BANNING LGBT IN THE MILITARY, TRUMP CAME OUT WITH A SOFTER, BOULDER, YET POUTY LOOK......

WASHINGTON D.C.

President Trump and First Daughter Ivanka
Catching White House staff off guard this morning, President Trump and daughter Ivanka emerged from his private quarters,wearing full make-up. Gasps could be heard from across the room as the two joined a crack reporter from OFF THE WALL news for an exclusive interview.  What follows is small portion of that interview. (The full interview will be published in Dave Taylor's upcoming book, "Overcoming the Trump in the Road".)

OTW: "Mr. President, is this the new you?"  Trump: "This is who I am, kind, caring, wanting, and I've been told many, many times, good looking."
OTW:  "Who did your make-up?" Trump: "Ivanka. She has always been able to bring out the real me."
He gave Ivanka a squeeze and the two gazed into each other's eyes as he finished his comment. "Meaning, in a father/daughter way."  Ivanka then added, "Since Daddy told me he was joking about banning the LBGT community in the armed forces, I suggested he show his inner feelings and let me make him up. We had great, great fun trying different blushes, shades, and liners. We could have gone too far and people might have been confused, thinking he was a porn star, so we softened his lip gloss to keep his Presidentual look."

The total interview lasted forty-five minutes and then father and daughter retreated back up stairs to the private quarters.  Trump has had a trying few weeks and he had hopes that a new image would help his cause.  Now that Steve Bannon is gone, he hopes things change quickly.  With Bannon's departure, it frees up a bedroom in the private quarters.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

OFF THE WALL NEWS FOUNDER AND SENIOR EDITOR DAVE TAYLOR TURNS 61

OTW FOUNDER TRIED TO KEEP HIS BIRTHDAY LOW KEY IF NOT QUIET, BUT DUE TO A POSSIBLE LEAK, IT TURNED INTO A TON OF FUN.....

BRIDGEPORT, MN


Dave Taylor and the elephant in the room.
Dave Taylor's 61st birthday last Friday, became cause for celebration at the OFF THE WALL news headquarters in Bridgeport, Minnesota.  Taylor, who tried to keep his "day" hidden from the news, was surprised when a four ton elephant with "Happy 61st Dave" written on its forehead came high stepping into the boardroom.

Taylor looked around the table and asked if anyone else could see the elephant in the room and received blank stares. The pachyderm then smeared frosting on Taylor's cheek with its long trunk and the room errupted with laughter.  The next hour was filled with uncontrolled laughter, as reporters related their favorite OFF THE WALL news story from the past eight years. At the end of the day, the huge birthday pachyderm was crated and sent to an elephant sancturary in Afica, where it could celebrate all its remaining birthdays amonst fellow elephants.

The staff was given the rest of the day off and Taylor went back to work, scouring the wire for worthy news stories.  Taylor would like to thank readers for their birthday wishes and promises continued reporting of news not reported elswhere.  

 



Thursday, August 3, 2017

TRUMP AWARDED HIS OWN MERIT BADGE FOR RECENT SPEECH TO BOY SCOUTS

THE PRESIDENT WASN'T QUITE SURE WHAT IT MEANT AND ASKED WHY IT WASN'T BIGGER......


WASHINGTON, D.C.

Trump's Merit Badge for BS
President Trump ignited a firestorm last week after turning a non political event, addressing the Boy Scouts Jamboree, into a self-serving political rally. It was bad enough that leaders of the Boy Scouts issued an apology to it's members and supporters. 

Trump then went on to tell those in the press that he received a telephone call from the scout leaders saying his speech was the best there ever was and thanked him. Once again, the leaders of the Boy Scouts came forth saying there were no phone calls, but decided the President had earned his own special Merit Badge.

In the Boy Scouts, a Merit Badge is a proud symbol of honor and achievement and there are numerous Merit Badges that can be earned and after the President's self-serving speech, it was thought he had earned his own.  He was awarded a badge for BS, the one and only badge of its kind ever awarded.  Trump, who was never a Boy Scout, wasn't quite sure what to think and asked why it wasn't bigger.