Tuesday, October 31, 2017

MIKE PENCE RECEIVES BOBBLE HEAD AWARD FOR AGREEING WITH TRUMP ON RUSSIA

VICE PRESIDENT PENCE BLINDLY AGREES WITH THE PRESIDENT ON EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THAT THE ON GOING RUSSIAN COLLUSION STORY IS FAKE, HIS REWARD IS HIS OWN BOBBLE HEAD.....

WASHINGTON D.C.

The Official Bobble Head
Trump went out of his way today, to make his Vice President feel important by giving him his own Bobble Head doll.  In a brief ceremony, in a White House hallway this morning, Trump summoned Pence and presented him with the six inch tall doll.
"Mike, I got to tell you." the President said in his opening remarks, as he held out the Bobble Head to Pence.  "You deserve this award and everybody is going to want one just like it, but because you agree with me on everything and know that this whole Russia  thing is fake, I want you to have this 20 inch doll."
He handed the Bobble Head bearing the likeness of Pence with his pants down, to the Vice President.  Sara Huckabee Sanders was on hand to applaud and contort her face, making her to look jealous.

Pence took the Bobble Head and gave Trump a look of admiration as Trump walked off down the hallway.  The few reporters on hand asked Pence why the Bobble Head came with it's pants down, to which he just smiled and went into his office.

Sanders was then asked if she knew why the Pence Bobble Head came with it's pants down, to which she replied, "Mike, like me, is always ready to take one for the Commander in Chief."
When questioned about Trump's reference about the doll being twenty inches, when in fact it was a standard six inches, Sanders sneered, "I think the President knows the difference when it comes to size and I'll leave it at that."  With that she stomped off.   
A jealous Sara Huckabee Sanders
OFF THE WALL news will continue to monitor this story to see if Sanders receives her own Bobble Head.



Tuesday, October 24, 2017

TRUMP WANTS TO MAKE HALLOWEEN GREAT AGAIN BY MAKING IT A HOLIDAY

TRUMP SHOWS UP WEARING A STRAW WIG TO ANNOUNCE HIS PLANS TO MAKE HALLOWEEN GREAT AGAIN BY MAKING IT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY...

WASHINGTON, D.C.

Trump: "Halloween, I love it!"
Halloween has always been President Trump's favorite holiday, mostly because of his orange facial complexion. "Other kids had to come up with a mask for Halloween and I didn't have to",  he smirked during a recent interview with Fox News.
"When she was younger, I use to sneak into Ivanka's bedroom at night and yell Boo! It was great. You can ask her and she'll tell you how much fun we had. And it was always way more fun around Halloween."

During another interview on Fox with Tucker Carlson, he had trouble keeping himself still. "I like making things great again", Trump said. "And to make Halloween a national holiday would be a real tweet!  It would be a day of Tricks and Tweeting!"  He winked and asked Carlson, "Get it Tucker, tricks and tweets!"  Luckily they cut to a commercial before Carlson had to answer the President. 
Most everyone in Congress declined to comment on the Presidents latest remarks about a new federal holiday, but the President is known for taking golfing holidays and just may get his way.


Friday, October 20, 2017

TRUMP GIVES HIS RESPONSE TO HURRICANE IN PUERTO RICO A 10

USING MATH ONLY THE PRESIDENT UNDERSTANDS, HE RATED THE FEDERAL RESPONSE TIME TO THE HURRICANE RAVAGED PUERTO RICO 'A 10'......

WASHINGTON, D.C.

Calculations for response time on hurricane relief
"Any one who watched this storm on T.V." boasted a smiling President Trump,"Knows what I had to deal with."
Joined by the governor of the U.S. Territory, Ricardo Rossello', Trump did most all of the talking as he held up the note book he used to calculate the federal response time.
"You can see by these figures, the citizens of Puerto Rico can be thankful for the quick response time.  I was able to direct help where needed as well as have a large shipment of paper towels brought in on U.S. war ships"
When questioned about what math he used to calculate the response time, he had this to say: "I simply call it Trump math.  Only I can understand it, and it is full proof.  I've even had professors praise me for my way with numbers.  You can't see it here, but it almost came out to a ten and a half.  People tell me all the time, I should teach this math and I'll be talking with Betsy DeVos, our Secretary of Education about it very soon. You can count on it."
Rossello' declined to give the response time a numerical grade, but said his territory was slowly getting some of the help it needs.  "We still have much more to do." he added, to which Trump broke in, "I was just about to say that.  There is no end to what I'll do for these island people."



Monday, October 2, 2017

TRUMP CONDEMNS LAS VEGAS MASS SHOOTING, BUT REEPHASIZES GOOD PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES

ASKING FOR PEACE AND HARMONY, TRUMP WAS RELIEVED TO LEARN HIS HOTEL HAD NOT BEEN USED BY THE SHOOTER, SIGHTING AUTOMATIC RIFLES ARE NOT ALLOWED ABOVE THE THIRD FLOOR OF ANY TRUMP PROPERTY........

WASHINGTON, D.C.

 It was thumbs up when asked about good people on both sides
 When Trump was told  the worst mass shooting in American history had taken place in Las Vegas, he tried to make light of it by saying, "Well we know the shooter wasn't Elvis."
When no one laughed, he quickly added, "Look I'm joking right?  Everybody knows I'm joking.  I was just trying to raise everyone's spirits. Sometimes the President has to stop being presidential and be like the class clown to lighten the mood."

The press corps quickly began asking him about the steps that will be taken to prevent any future shootings using military style rifles  on innocent people.
"We are ready to take any steps necessary,"  he said in his best presidential demeanor.
"Does this mean some kind of ban on automatic weapons?"  another reporter shouted out. 
"Will someone shut her up!" Trump shouted back.  "Always someone in the media pool talking about taking away our second amendment rights. Get her out of here!"

The reporter was roughly carried out of the press room and Trump continued.  "Look, we don't know who the shooter was, he may have been confused and shot a lot of good people, but we have no way of telling what was in in heart. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is good in everyone, there was good on both sides here.."
He was then asked if he really believed that and he smiled and gave a thumbs up.